i Recently finished reading ‘Wicket Wit’, a book with witty commentary on sports and cricketers. The book’s editor called it “a delightful mix of run-out rebuttals, wicket-wise cracks, oval orations and hoset insults”. I have selected some of this book for the readers of these pages.
Batting
It’s hard work, batting looks easy. – David Gower
When you win the toss – bat. If in doubt, think about it, then bat. If you’re in serious doubt, consult a colleague – then bat. — W. G. Grace
I like to pretend I’m a West Indian when I bat. – Darren Gough
Bowling
To be a great bowler you need a big heart and a big bottom. – Fred Truman
Fast bowling is not hard work, it is horse work. – Fred Truman
I was once clocked at 99.97mph, but that’s rubbish, I was miles faster than that. – Jeff Thompson
Cricket celebrities
I want to play cricket. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. – Meatloaf
I find it lovely to see them break for tea. It’s very cool. – Jim Jimish
I have often thought how much better my life would have been, how much better a person I would have been, how much healthier I would have been, if I had been a cricketer instead of an actor. — Sir Laurence Oliver
Role in cricket
If something is not overdone, it is hardly worth it. – Peter Roebuck
If I had to put it in one word? Integrity – Sir Donald Bradman)
I’m sorry my mouth took over my mind. — Demot rev
Coach and captain
I was never coached. I was never told how to hold a bat. – Sir Donald Bradman
Captaincy is 90% luck and 10% skill. But don’t try without that 10 percent. – Richie Benaud
You will have the worst time of your life. (mind off)
Commentator Classics
England have nothing to lose here except this Test match. – David Lloyd
His throw didn’t go anywhere near where it was going. – Richo Benaud
A slow-motion replay doesn’t show how fast the transmission was. – Richo Benaud
Cricket and society
Cricket – It is more than a game. It is an institution. — Thomas Hughes
Cricket brings together the most opposite characters and the most diverse lives. Anything that puts many different kinds of people on a common ground should promote feelings of compassion and kindness. – Kumar Ranjit Sanji.
Cricket, like the upper classes and standards in general, is in constant decline. – Alan Ross
Cricketers on cricketers
The natural steamer of the ball. – Angus Fraser on Michael Atherton
I don’t know what these fellows are doing, but whatever they are doing, they are definitely doing well. — Pete Sampras, American tennis player, watching Lara and Ambrose at Lord’s.
Cricketers vs. Press
If there’s a sport that attracts more half-baked theorists than cricket, I haven’t heard of it yet. – Fred Truman
Cricket is full of ideas that can ruin your game at any time. – Ian Botham
They smile and then stab you. – Jeff Boycott
Usually, the people out on the pitch are the ones who know how to play the game, not the ones who are writing about it. — Marcus Trescothick
If I had my time again, I would never play cricket. Why? Because of people like you. The press does nothing but criticize. – Gary Sobers
English cricket
I can’t bat, can’t bowl and can’t field these days. I have every chance to be selected for England. – Ray East
Many continents think life is a game. English people consider cricket as a sport. – George Mikes
England vs Australia
The objective of English Test cricket is actually to beat Australia. – Jim Laker
Australian fans may have gone to bed at three in the morning knowing the sun would still rise, but there’s nothing you like about losing to England. – Jeff Lawson
Good days and bad days
I can’t really say I’m batting badly, I haven’t been batting long enough to bat badly. – Greg Chappell
A game you fear losing is not worth winning. – Benny Green
You are only as good as your last game. – Ian Botham
The joys of cricket
In my opinion, cricket is a game that cannot be thought of in terms of statistics. — EH Hendren
Love of cricket nowadays seems to be limited to those who watch it or read about it. — Arthur Melley
Misunderstanding of cricket.
Sometimes, people think it’s like polo, played on horseback, and I remember one guy thought it was an insect game. – Clayton Lambert
It’s a stupid game in which nobody wins. — Thomas Fuller
Generally considered an inexplicably dull and pointless game. – Douglas Adams
The nature of the game
Cricket is the only sport I can enjoy without taking sides. – AA meet
Cricket is a game not a competition. – George Hirst
One-day cricket is like fast food. No one wants to cook. – Vic Richards
One-day cricket is an exhibition. Test cricket is a test. — Henry Blofield
Politicians on cricket
Politics governs everything we do – the games we play, the way we play them, who we play with. — John Arlott
Cricket pushed me into politics long before I was aware of it. When I turned to politics, I didn’t have much to learn. – CLR James
Presentation of players
If you can’t always play like a cricketer, at least look like one. – Sir Donald Bradman
The habit of chewing gum is very impressive, and you will sometimes see a whole fielding team resembling a herd of cows in a pasture.- RC Robertson -Glasgow