Romance fraud: ‘My childhood sweetheart took £42k from me’

Alice thought she was rekindling romance with a childhood sweetheart when she began a relationship with Mark, a former school friend, in 2020.

Instead, she became the victim of a romantic scam and was forced to hand over £42,000 – only for the police to initially dismiss her case as a civil matter.

After breaking up with Mark, she discovers that he was leading a double life with another woman and that Alice’s money may have been used for him.

Ellis, a solicitor from Shropshire, said fraud was something she was “really struggling to come to terms with”.

What makes her case unusual is that she knew her scammer and they had a full-fledged relationship – many romance frauds happen between people who connect online or in some cases never even meet. would have

Anna Rowe, who runs a victim support charity, said a lack of understanding meant “personally” romance fraud was not always taken seriously by police forces.

“If victims are going to the police station and the police don’t understand what romance fraud is, they are making the journey more painful by shaming the victim or making them feel stupid,” he said. He said.

West Mercia Police are now investigating Ellis’ case after Action Fraud was deemed to be criminal activity.

Over the past four years, the force, which covers Shropshire, Herefordshire and Worcestershire, received 111 reports of romance fraud, of which 23 were investigated.

Only four investigations led to charges.

Alice and Mark, not their real names, went to the same school, had a brief relationship in their 20s and had 50 mutual friends on Facebook.

For years their communication was limited to exchanging birthday greetings.

But in October 2020, Mark began messaging Alice regularly and they reconnected, sharing tastes in music and food as well as past stories.

“It was amazing. It was like my youth came back. We had a shared history,” she said.

They met at a pub they visited as teenagers.

“We were talking about people we knew and it was really comfortable,” Ellis said.

“I felt completely at home with him and very safe.”

Even his old school friends remembered him fondly.

So when he first mentioned that he had some bad business debts, which he blamed on the pandemic, she had no reason to doubt him.

He showed her the threatening text messages he had received and told Alice that it was unsafe for her to go home.

He added that his mental health was also getting affected.

“He made it very clear that he needed help and told me all the figures involved,” she told the BBC.

“I was basically in a position where I wanted to save him.”

Their relationship developed and he visited her family and friends, spending much of his time at her home.

But by April 2021, Alice owed Mark £20,000.

He promised to pay her back through the sale of his property and, as a lawyer, he checked the financial details and confirmed the debt between them in writing.

But the sale never went through and the debt piled up.

A trip to Wimbledon and Cyprus – funded by Alice – followed, and Mark was also there for her after her grandfather’s death.

But there was always something else that needed to be paid for.

“It was all about getting him back on his feet — getting him back on his feet, getting him back to work, so he could stabilize his life and we could be happy,” Ellis said. said Alice.

She made bank transfers to pay for new clothes, glasses, a car for a job interview, money for psychotherapy, treatment for a skin condition and her rent.

Alice also became isolated as she defended her behavior to family and friends.

By October 2023, she realized that their relationship – and her own finances – were in trouble.

Mark borrowed £57,000 and only paid back £14,000.

When she finally broke up with him over the phone, he left her £42,000 in debt.

But what happened next shocked him even more.

Worried, she went to Mark’s house for the first time.

As she arrived, a woman she recognized as her former partner Julie was standing in the drive.

She held Mark’s dog, for which Alice paid the vet bills.

“She said ‘you’ve got to stop coming here’, like I was a predator – that was the story she was told,” Ellis said.

He told Julie that she could prove their relationship but was threatened by the police.

She meets Mark for the last time in a Sainsbury’s car park where he tells her he has cancer and has gone back to his ex for comfort.

Alice contacts her neighbor who confirms that she and Julie have lived there for years.

He said that for the entire period he was with me, promising the world, he was living with someone else and he went to that person’s house every day.

The BBC spoke to the couple’s landlady, who confirmed they had left the property within days of the collision.

After more than a year, she said Mark owed her five months’ rent.

Alice went to the police but was told in December 2023 that no crime had been committed.

She turned to Love Said, a charity set up to help victims of emotional betrayal.

Co-founder Anna It is helping more than 40 victims of romance fraud in the UK, many of whom have been turned away by the police.

With his support, Alice reported her case to Action Fraud.

“Are you saying that this person intentionally had an affair with you to get your money and I said ‘yes, I am’,” she recalled being asked.

On the first anniversary of their break-up that year, Alice received a bank transfer from Mark for £120.

She said she told investigators she would make monthly payments, which would pay off the loan in 30 years when she was 80.

Det Insp Daniel Fenn, from West Mercia’s economic crime and cyber unit, said romance fraud was “extremely complex”.

“West Mercia Police has highly experienced and dedicated fraud prevention officers and staff who have received nationally recognized training to identify, respond to and investigate romance fraud,” he added.

“Resources have been increased within our team to help tackle and investigate complex fraud.”

The force has two other cases of romance fraud under investigation.

It’s been more than four years since Alice and Mark started dating and she said she didn’t feel close to closure.

“The money, I can pay back,” he said.

“But cheating on someone, opening you up at your most vulnerable, and then cheating on you, stealing from you, and lying to you, so you’re never on the same page, is something that I’m really struggling to come along.”

Love Said is working with the police force to help with cases like Alice.

The police can pursue offenses under “fraud by misrepresentation; where the relationship itself is fraud for financial gain, or legislation relating to coercive control and financial abuse”.

“Hopefully we can start to see a change as the police become more aware and understand more about how to investigate,” Anna said.

“When you’ve had your inner feelings mastered by someone, trusting yourself again is probably the hardest thing to do.

“Victims blame themselves a lot — they don’t really need to blame anyone else.”