People who treat their dogs like children – and feel ‘mmm guilty’ every time they’re separated.

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iI’m not good enough for my dog. I don’t hug her enough. He is bored. He doesn’t walk enough. Should he be on a raw food diet? Taking supplements? to wear A quilted Berber jacket? God knows. This is a minefield.

I worry that he is not getting enough time. And why do all the other golden retrievers look so silky and well-groomed on Instagram, when muggles look like a sheep stuck in a hedgerow? I failed him – My dear dog, who I once sang lullaby to as a puppy.And who slept with me in my bed every night with his paw on my arm – until my children Lola, now eight, and Liberty, six. It eats at me – daily.

I suffer from “dog guilt”, which I have discovered. As common as “mom guilt”.. It’s a condition that screams that we haven’t done enough for our dogs, or haven’t done things right. And the reason, it seems, that I suffer from it so ridiculously is because I apparently fall into what is classified as a “dog parent,” one of the three categories of all dog owners. Come to one – according to the scientists of Eötvös Loránd University in Hungary. A new study published in the journal Scientific reports It shows that “dog parents,” who make up 54 percent of dog owners, consider their dog a pseudo-child with whom they can have a close, human-like relationship.

This is in contrast to other dog owners, who have a more practical relationship with their pets. “Friendly companion” owners treat their dog as a coworker and security guard, while a “companion” owner agrees to let his dog sit at his feet while he drinks tea at home—in short, They see the character of their pet. Just to keep them company.

I am in good company as a “dog parent”. The group includes several celebrity owners, including Paris Hilton, who once made her dogs a dog-sized replica of her house, and Emilia Clarke, who celebrated her second birthday with Dachshund made Ted a very delicious cake and posted it on Instagram. And certainly for me, the psychology is true: from the first day I received Muggles, wrapped him in a blanket and held him tightly in my arms, I knew on some level that he was a surrogate. The kid is, even though I apparently got him as a therapy dog ​​for my partner, who was suffering from depression. I was longing for a baby at the time – and was going through IVF to try and make it happen.

Likewise, when I was shopping for different sized dog bowls and picking up a few cute toys for him, it occurred to me that this is just plain silly. Britain has always been a nation of pet lovers, of course, but not to this extent. These days we go to pet shops, not pet shops. Those so inclined can send their dogs to the spa day with a blueberry facial and ultrasonic teeth cleaning. They can even feed them freshly cooked food at places like Love My Human’s Dog Cafe on King’s Road.

“This [owners] Don’t give your dogs anything that contains microplastics or artificial colors – they want everything organic,” says founder Jenny Matthews. Matthews founded his company in 2018, when the luxury dog ​​market exploded in the UK, and believes this American-style over-coddling of our pets is nothing new. “Many dog ​​owners have always secretly treated their dogs like children, but never felt like admitting it, and the market for trapping their dogs in the UK is relatively recent. I was nothing,” she says.

There are around 13.5 million pet dogs in the UK, with 36% of households owning a dog. You only have to look at the late Queen Elizabeth’s relationship with corgis to understand how deep our relationship with our pets is in the national psyche. The Queen gave each of her corgis her stock at Christmas, which she would fill herself. At night they slept in a special “corgi room” made up of upright wicker baskets with cushions to keep out drafts. Pampering dogs has been a habit of the aristocracy since the 1700s: Marie Antoinette allowed them to sleep in spacious kennels decorated to resemble a miniature four-poster bed.

Yet while it may be relatively normal for dog owners to over-identify with their pets, it’s not the level the general public is willing to go to. Additionally, it’s only recently that owners have begun to admit that they are victims of “dog crime.”

Kim Bush, 48, a hair colorist at a high-end London salon, when she went to work, set up a camera in her home to see the bull, a Jack-Chi – a cross between a Jack Russell and a Chihuahua. Felt so guilty for leaving the cross. . But it only made him feel worse. “I would constantly be checking the cameras – and every time I looked at him, I saw him lying on the bed in a different position. It broke my heart,” says Bush. “Sometimes I just don’t see it at all. I just feel like the worst parent in the world.

Open the image in the gallery.

Bush, who has no children but is in a relationship, tried sending Belle to doggy daycare with a lunch of freshly cooked chicken, carrots and rice, but then decided to keep her at home, and a dog. Walker took him out. twice a day. Bush admits to treating Bale like a child – she would make him chicken soup when he was cold, and dress him in jackets and jumpers, even little socks in the house when it was cold. And she knows he overcompensated as a result of the guilt he felt at leaving her.

He even considered quitting his job to become a dog walker. After returning to work for the first time since the lockdown, Bell was shaking so much that she took her to an emergency doctor, who told her she was dehydrated and stressed – which made her feel terrible. “I’m the kind of person who gives my dog ​​a steak on his birthday,” she says, “so the deterioration of his health because of my actions was unbearable.”

It is easy to understand that it is largely childless women who are overly sympathetic to dogs for their maternal instincts. But I also see this behavior in many dog ​​owners who have children – mostly women, but also men.

Dr Eli Lee, professor of family and parenting research at the University of Kent, says the trend of “mum guilt” has accelerated since the 1970s, and that women are biologically hardwired to feel guilt. “On top of that,” she says, “we have layers of cultural messages that tell us that everything we do will change our child for life.” It’s true: one of the hottest babysitting topics right now involves the evils of front-facing buggies. “Clearly, parental expectations have been blown out of proportion, and it’s very possible that people read that into dogs. Maybe the confusion our culture has created has gotten to the point where dog owners Think dogs are like children, and it’s hard to know how and where to draw the lines.

You don’t have to look far to find a survey that inadvertently expresses this confusion, while also giving it a pseudo-scientific credence. A recent study of dog owners in the United Kingdom and the United States found that exposure to parental behavior in childhood was associated with better behavior toward their dogs as adults. do I grew up with “permissive parents”, so that means I’ll develop a more humane, free-floating bond with muggles. Someone who had an “authoritative parent” is more likely to prioritize obedience.

Still others think it’s gone too far. “I have concerns about the changing landscape of the dog-owner relationship,” says Dr. Nikki Shaw, a clinical animal behaviorist and trainer of Chelsea Canines. While she argues that a degree of anthropomorphism can be beneficial, allowing us to recognize our pets’ emotions such as “fear, anxiety, joy and excitement”, and thus better care for them. is done, we are now in danger of overestimation. “It’s very dangerous territory to navigate,” she says. “It results in the kind of miscommunication between dogs and owners that I see time and time again in practice.”

What’s worse, she says, is that the industry is taking advantage. “We’re seeing dogs dressed up, entering fashion shows, getting ‘puppaccinos’ and writing about their ‘human parents’ on social media,” she says. “It’s amazing. Dogs have remarkable skills and traits that have evolved over thousands of years, and owners should be encouraged to provide them with adequate outlets. Treating dogs like dogs and Not breeding them is probably the best way to remove any dog ​​guilt.

Roger Mugford, a leading expert on animal behavior, agrees: “A simple change in terminology, from dog owner to dog parent, provides insight into the rapidly changing relationship between dog and human. ” he says. Mugford deals with many dogs who suffer from separation anxiety, who may have been traumatized or neglected by their owner. But he also emphasizes that most dogs are left alone for half a day.

Muggles, I realize, are fine – as are my children. I’m not going to project all this trouble onto my dog ​​just because he has big sharp ears and eyes. Sure I can probably improve, but it’s time to let go of the idea of ​​the perfect dog parent.