IVF using donor sperm: ‘I can have a baby without a partner’

The moment Amy decided she was going to have a baby herself, the stress she was feeling began to dissipate.

“I just realized — wait, I can do this. I felt an immediate sense of relief.

“Dating is pretty intense when you want a partner to start a family.

“Relationship or not – but there’s no pressure at this point.”

Amy, 36, chose to use donor sperm and in vitro fertilization (IVF). One way is becoming increasingly popular. With single women in the UK.

Like many other women, she grew up with the notion that she would marry and have children with a husband.

“When I was a young girl, I thought this was my only option – I thought this was life.”

It was her father, who had come to visit her, who suggested that she consider having a single child.

Later, after two rounds of IVF, she was at home in the Midlands when she discovered she was pregnant.

And now, she is living with her father and stepmother for the first few months of her son’s life.

Amy, a lawyer from London, is forced to think about children after discovering she has a polyp in her womb – which could affect her chances of conceiving.

When she was 34, a doctor advised her to freeze her eggs.

“I went home crying. 13-year-old me thought 30-year-old me would have two kids and be married. So the fact that I was 34 and freezing my eggs was really upsetting. “

During the egg freezing process, she began listening to podcasts on fertility and attending group coaching sessions.

Due to the shortage of sperm donors in the UK, Amy chose to look for donors in Denmark, home to the world’s largest sperm bank.

She based her criteria on her hair and eye color so that the child would resemble her.

He then narrowed it down to six people before choosing one, relying on intuition.

The sperm bank doesn’t provide current photos, but Amy was able to see photos of her donor’s baby and a celebrity – Tom Welling, who played Clark Kent on the TV series Smallville. He was a famous American actor.

Amy ordered several vials of sperm from the same donor if she wanted to have another child. This donor’s sperm can be used to create up to 75 families worldwide – with a limit of one per country.

“People ask me a lot of questions, but I didn’t really think about it after that,” she said.

“It’s interesting because I don’t talk about it with other single mothers I’ve met – it doesn’t come up in conversation.”

The pregnancy had its difficulties, incl hyperemesisa condition that causes extreme vomiting and nausea.

During her first trimester, she vomited 15 times a day.

Almost bedridden, Amy said she was lonely at times, and there were times when she wouldn’t leave her partner.

“When my bump got so big, I couldn’t put on my shoes and socks, and another time I found out how expensive nursery fees are.”

In September 2023, A law change in the UK Giving people born using a sperm or egg donor in the UK the right to find out the identity of their biological parents.

It’s something Amy would support – if her son wanted to.

According to a report by the fertility regulator, the Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority (HFEA), the number of single women undergoing treatment, including IVF, has increased from around 1,400 in 2012 to 4,800 in 2022.

It recommends that anyone using donor sperm should be treated at an HFEA-licensed clinic as the law requires them to undergo rigorous health tests as well as ensure paperwork.

They also offer counseling to everyone.

The “astronomical” cost of Amy’s route may be enough to deter many women in a similar situation – freezing eggs, buying sperm and undergoing IVF are all expensive.

He estimates it has taken “tens and tens of thousands of pounds” so far.

And that’s before adding in the cost of childcare and nurseries.

According to solo parenthood coach Mel Johnson, stigma surrounds the process of choosing to have a child without a partner.

Ms Johnson founded her company The Stork and I to help women who are virgins and do not want to miss out on parenthood.

“I’ve heard people say that if you haven’t found a mate it’s natural selection or some say it’s harmful to the baby.

“But research shows that it’s the quality of parenting that matters most, not the number of parents.”

Amy’s son was born less than two weeks ago.

She said that so far, motherhood has been “full” but she has had incredible support from her family and friends.

She is looking forward to the rest of her life as a mother.