Hi Haya,
I am in my early 20’s and facing a very strange problem. Most of my friends are either dating or in relationships. However, I am single and not interested in being in a relationship right now.
My goals are more focused on my career, which is all I want to work on. But some of my friends think it’s something I shouldn’t invest so much in. They make me feel bad about choosing to be single, not dating, or in a relationship, as if it’s a trend I should follow.
I love my friends and am happy with their decisions. But I also want them to respect me. How will you answer them the next time they insult me again? Please help!
– a frustrated 20-something
Dear Desperate 20-something,
It sounds like you are very clear and comfortable with what you want to prioritize in your life right now, namely your career – which is great! (Because mental clarity enables you to live a life that feels harmonious to you)
I’ve heard you say that your friends feel bad for wanting to be single. When you say they make me feel bad, I’ll be curious to see what comes up for you.
Our friends, family members and others may say different things to us but it comes down to how we choose to respond and what boundaries we set.
For anyone to respect our decisions we must first own them and allow others to influence how we feel about ourselves.
In this situation I see the need for you to create boundaries for yourself.
Boundaries relate to the guidelines, rules, or boundaries that a person sets for themselves to communicate what they feel comfortable with in relationships, interactions, and situations. They help define how others may behave around us and what we find acceptable or unacceptable. Boundaries can protect your emotional, physical, and mental well-being while promoting healthier and more respectful relationships.
How can you create boundaries in this situation that enable you to take better care of yourself that protects your health and preserves your relationship?
How would you like to answer? What would you like to say?
You can acknowledge their point of view while demanding respect for your choice. For example, you could say: “I appreciate your concern and that you’re looking out for me, and I’m so happy for you and your relationship and know that this is the right time in your life.” You have a priority. However, for me at this point in my life, I’m focused on my career and that’s what’s fulfilling for me if we can respect each other’s decisions moving forward. I will appreciate it very much.
or
You can also briefly explain your point of view. Sometimes people don’t understand your point of view or where you’re coming from. To be able to express them. For example, you could say: “I know relationships are important to you, but for me they are not my main priority. Building a strong foundation for my future is what is right for me at this time in my life.” feels.”
You can share with them why this is so important to you right now in your life.
As you work on creating boundaries in your life, remember that you first need to identify which areas of your life need a boundary, emphasizing but not Speak respectfully, show it with your words and behavior, be consistent with them whenever they cross. Understand that others may react and test your boundaries and that’s okay, and remind yourself that setting boundaries is valuing you.
Finally, when you’ve done all of the above, and if your friends don’t respect your choices despite your best efforts and you continue to feel the same way, it may help to find others. Find people who share your mindset and support your goals. It’s okay to have different priorities and set boundaries that protect your well-being.
– Humility
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellness strategist and trainer specializing in creating organizational cultures that focus on wellness and mental health awareness. produce
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