In reviews, in theaters and in group texts pinging around the country,Baby girlThe sexy thriller starring Nicole Kidman has proved somewhat divisive. Who has the power, Romy, the high-powered tech executive played by Ms. Kidman, or the 20-something intern, whom she portrays at will? Are certain moments considered sexy or funny? Is Rumi’s kinky — which involves being told what to do — even that kinky?
Audiences disagree, but among some women — especially those around Ms. Kidman’s age, 57 — the questions are more than enough to start conversations about sex and desire.
“After the movie, some men were asking me if women really fake orgasms,” said Elizabeth Robbins, 51, who watched the movie with both male and female friends. In the opening scene of the film, Rumi runs off to masturbate in private after faking an orgasm with her husband, whom she later betrays as she explores her desire to dominate.
“It was like, ‘Yeah, we do.'”
She said the group began to ask themselves if they talked enough about their desires or if they talked about sex in a healthy way. When Ms. Robbins, an ophthalmology assistant in Boston, talked about it with two other friends – Elizabeth Peeves, 37, and Josephine Sasso, 47, with whom she shares erotic novels on the Lusty Library podcast, hosts a podcast — the women said they had similar conversations with their constituents after watching the film.
“I went to see it last night with a friend, and we were whispering to each other the whole time,” said Ms. Powes, who lives in Pawtucket, R.I. “We had a little conversation in the car and Learned something. Things we didn’t know about each other, that was obvious.”
“It was like, ‘OK, we’re at this level now,'” he said. “We were already pretty open with each other, but it takes a little bit more.”
Looks like a movie. Keep the conversation going was around women “All Four,” Miranda July’s novel, published last spring, follows a 45-year-old mother and wife who embarks on a journey of self-discovery and sexual awakening sparked by an affair with a young man.
In the months since her book was released to the world, Ms. July has been inundated with messages from women sharing their stories.
“Six months ago I would have said I was one of millions who was thinking about these issues in my life,” Ms. July said in a phone interview. “After my experience with readers over the last six months, I no longer think I’m unique.”
“Women are really good at spreading the word,” she added.
Recently, Ms. July Substack created where she posts her writing and where people can gather to talk about “All Four” — “not a book club! A place to talk about your own life,” she explains. And some of the women made their hats read “All Four Group Chat” to signal to the other women that they were not only interested in Ms. July’s novel, but also about the larger themes it addressed. Ready to talk.
“For people to just say, ‘Oh yeah, that’s me too,’ or, ‘You’re wondering if I think it’s out of the blue, and I don’t,'” Ms. July said. said , who recently posted raves about “Baby Girl” in an Instagram story. “Then it’s a new way of thinking and communicating that has implications.”
These cultural moments can help people open up about their own lives, said sex and relationship therapist Chantal Gautier, who has a private practice in London and is a senior lecturer at the University of Westminster, and stigmatization. reduce
He said that we need to make more films like this so that we can discuss these topics.
Some women have been surprised by the willingness of their friends to come out after watching the film.
When Victoria Villegas decided to go see “Baby Girl,” she figured she’d have to go alone. “I was afraid none of my friends or my boyfriend would be interested,” she said.
Before watching the movie, Ms. Villegas, 31, saw herself in the movie. Rumi, like Ms. Kidman’s character, is involved in BDSM but said she always felt ashamed of it, which she attributes to her Catholic upbringing. “Sex in general is already taboo, so having any desire or desire outside of the mainstream feels even more shameful,” he said.
But when Ms Villegas told a friend she was going to see him, he surprised her by offering to come along. “There was a point in the movie where I pointed at the screen and said, ‘Here I come,'” she said. “I feel so close to this friend now that I know this is something we can talk about together.”
She is also discussing the film’s themes with her female friends, including those who, like her, went to Catholic school and find it difficult to open up about their sexuality.
“I’m still floored by it,” she said. “Having a movie like this is a huge deal for me, because I feel like it’s something you want to keep down or not talk about.”
Ileana Melendez, 27, who works in advertising in San Juan, Puerto Rico, said that even though she is a member of Generation Z, she still finds it difficult to talk about sex.
“I think there’s really something, especially among women who go through certain upbringings like religious ones, where we’re taught to demonize our desires and our sexuality,” she said.
She was particularly impressed to see older women in the movie theater with her.
“I had a group of women in their 50s and 60s with me,” Ms. Melendez said. “The movie got them talking.” By the end, she said, “they were like, ‘Okay, he got what he wanted.’
“I don’t know if they’ve gone through any changes,” he added. “But they definitely feel more open about those experiences by the end.”