A note from happiness
I spent more than a few years before that wading through the dating pool. I found Will’s way.. I’ve never been afraid of marriage myself, but I’ll admit—I’ve always been quietly afraid of someone unhappy. On our wedding night, as the last of the Thanksgiving dishes were dried and stored here in my Belleville kitchen, I turned to my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my sister and her husband and asked a question that might I should have asked earlier. I said “I do.”
“What do people mean when they say marriage is hard?”
I cringed as the words left my mouth, bracing myself for some inevitable truth about hardship or sacrifice. But their answers? Incredibly simple and comforting: “Marriage isn’t hard if you’ve married the right person.”
Although life is complicated and love is not a guarantee against hard times, his words stuck with me. There is a quiet wisdom in trusting the strength of the partnership you choose.
This thought stayed with me as I shared my thoughts with my friend and photographer. Carly Sisler Flores. Her relationship is one I’ve admired from afar over the years, and her perspective on marriage feels like a warm, steady light. Her words resonated deeply, and I am so excited to share her article with you here.
We’d love to hear from you too. What’s the best (or worst!) marriage advice you’ve ever received? Share your gold standard wisdom or even your cautionary tales in the comments. We are all ears.
Now, here’s Carly:
“Here you go,” my mom said as she pulled a pill from her small cream-colored box she kept for emergencies. “I think you’re having a panic attack.” I was
Being just hours away from walking down the aisle, I was scared out of my ever-loving mind. Had cold feet. I was only 24 years old and making a decision that would affect me for the rest of my life.
I write this, feet warm and toasty, happily married to my husband of 15 years. It was the best decision I ever made, and I was terrified.
There is no advice that can guarantee a long and happy married life. But there is definitely one piece of advice that has made my marriage better and stronger. There is also advice that can ruin us. So be careful when a well-intentioned person offers their advice.
So often the same well-intentioned people give advice only to the woman, while they look at the man and say, “Happy wife, happy life.” This is, very unfortunately, not advice. It’s almost like saying – “If one team gets more touchdowns than the other team, they’re going to win the game!” While true, it’s not exactly solid action items. Needless to say, this post is for everyone, every type of marriage and every gender.
So here’s the best and worst advice we’ve ever been told. i do.
The worst
- Don’t let the sun set on your anger.. Hello – have you met a tired person? It’s like telling someone to stop being hungry before they eat. Almost every argument we had was resolved with a short nap or a long night’s rest. Please hear me out about it.
- The tiebreaker goes to the man.. Yes, that was real advice. I don’t actually think they realized when they said that, that it literally meant that I would say zero in my life. Whenever I look at things differently, my opinion will disappear? Hey! This is strange. Face adversity with humility. Understand where your partner is coming from. Try to reach a compromise. But don’t base important decisions on gender. You may end up in a life that doesn’t belong to you.
- Arguing is a sign that your marriage needs help.. I like to say that this is a sign of a healthy one. I would go even further and say that the most unhealthy marriages I know are the ones that don’t fight. In this marriage, someone is losing himself trying to keep the peace. Being comfortable enough with your partner that you feel safe expressing opposing opinions is a sign that you are happily married. are What a joy to feel safe. how It’s more important than you argue. how many times. Are you able to make it out? Well can you look at your shortcomings and admit when you are wrong? You are doing amazing dear
The best
- Fight fair. I know it sounds like marriage is all about fighting. It is not. But knowing someone so deeply means you hold the keys to their deepest insecurities. You can easily say something in the heat of the moment that can tear the most important person in your life apart. Don’t do that. In fact, while we’re at it, pull the superlatives out of your dictionary. The words never And always Shouldn’t be thrown so lightly.
- Still be your own individual person. Don’t get lost in trying to turn yourself into something you’re not. Your spouse fell in love with you, don’t lose that person. If you need alone time, get alone time. If you need to hang out with friends a few times a week, please do. Stay curious, keep doing what you love the most. If you have strong beliefs that don’t match your spouse’s, good! Give them the same privilege of seeing the world through different eyes. I am not interested in my husband becoming me, I am only interested in supporting him and helping him reach his goal.
- Laugh, kiss and play together. I know it sounds overwhelming, but when you’re moving, having kids, making payments, deciding on the best color for the house, or figuring out if the dishwasher is clean or dirty, we can. are Forget being a little lighter. I am so thankful that I married someone who can laugh at himself. Marriage in our culture is often portrayed as settling down, or the person you sleep with and have kids with. It is much more than that. Sure, you can have a date night, and that’s great. But for us, the thing that keeps the spark alive is that we still tease each other, we still laugh, we still do silly things like puzzles, midnight games. Ice cream, cleaning house, wrestling or even the road to early 2000’s R&B. Travel with our favorite podcasts. And that has made all the difference.
Fifteen years ago I made a promise to a good man. And this is the most important advice. Marry someone you are very proud of. Marry the person you love and all these tips will come naturally. I couldn’t be more grateful to have had the opportunity to live this life with Daniel. I could really go on and on because I’m still learning every day. But I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Whether you have been married for 1 year or 50. What’s the best or worst advice you’ve been given? We are all listening on the edge of our seats.