‘My autistic sons have taught me so much’

James Hunt spent his days commuting to London, where he ran a successful marketing firm.

But her children Jude and Tommy were diagnosed when they were young, and she later decided to care for them and her parents full-time.

James, from Burnham-on-Crouch in Essex, started blogging about his life nine years ago and now has more than a million followers on social media.

Here, in his own words, James talks about his hopes for the future of his teenage sons.

When my older son Jude was a baby, he was slow to crawl and wouldn’t respond to his name. He stared out the window, he was far away and almost in a different world.

His mum Charlotte, my ex-wife, first raised concerns when he was eight months old but I just thought he was a bit behind because he was premature.

We went back to the doctor several times before we were diagnosed with autism in 2009 when he was 18 months old.

At the time, the information out there was very medical, most of what we were reading was from the NHS website and medical journals. I felt like I couldn’t take it in and I had so many unanswered questions.

Three years later we went through a similar diagnosis with Tommy at the same age.

I knew a lot more about autism than I did when we had Jude, but boys have always been so different.

I didn’t enjoy the first year of Tommy’s life as much as I could have because I spent so much time watching him and looking for signs.

He hit some milestones much faster than Jude but he won’t make eye contact and gets frustrated easily and enjoys playing alone.

Around the same time, when Jude was four, he began having severe meltdowns and was physically hurting himself.

Jude is non-verbal, so it is very difficult for him to tell what is wrong. That was the most difficult period of my life.

He used to wake up at night screaming and beating himself. Thankfully as Jude has gotten older, and we’ve learned more about meeting his needs, it’s gotten a lot better.

Unfortunately Tommy was a huge trigger for her at the time because he was loud and unpredictable. Her self-harm would scare Tommy so we had to keep them apart a lot.

In 2016, my wife Charlotte and I regretfully decided to separate. We made the incredibly difficult decision to separate Jude and Tommy and we felt guilty, like we were failing.

But Jude was instantly like a different kid, you could feel his anxiety, so we knew it was the right decision.

I live in an annex to my parents’ house and help care for my father, who has Parkinson’s, and my mother, who has dementia, although they are now at home.

It’s across the street from my ex-wife’s house and I have one guy stay several nights a week and then we swap, and I have the other. Both of them need one-to-one care and it is impossible for them to live together.

You would never imagine such a life. I don’t know if they will ever be together or not but they will always be a part of each other’s lives.

I wish I could be with them both at the same time, and I don’t have much free time, but it’s the best thing for them right now. It’s probably made it easier for me to be a single parent because I’m never alone.

Their school is helping them do more fun things together like trampolining and eating lunch together.

Jude is now 16 and loves music so we take long car drives listening to the radio. It is one of the few places where he feels safe and can relax.

There have been many times that he has been too anxious to do this and we have been stuck in the house but at the moment he is doing fine.

Tommy is 13 years old, and he is cheeky, mischievous, funny and curious about everything around him. He likes looking at books and puzzles. He is not fully verbal but uses a communication device.

I recently had one of the best days with Jude and Tommy.

In the past, when we’ve tried to do anything to celebrate Christmas, it never went well, it was too overwhelming for them. But we went to see Father Christmas and made such special memories.

Nine years ago I started sharing my life stories online on a weekly blog. Then I started. Facebook, Instagramand TikTok Accounts

It was initially a way to show friends and family what our lives were really like. Jude and Tommy were struggling with social opportunities, so we stopped going.

I could never find the words to explain, and I wanted to show how proud I was of them, so I started writing instead.

I didn’t realize how much our stories would resonate with others, or how much it would help me.

I learned so much about autism, connected with people from all over the world and discovered a passion for helping other families.

I am lucky that I have been able to make a living through social media. I had to quit my previous job to be there for the boys.

I started a clothing line last year with positive messages about autism, disability and neurodivergence. I love getting messages from people saying they’ve bumped into someone wearing a hoodie, and it starts a conversation.

I opened a shop in Burnham-on-Crouch where we stock the fabric and wrap and pack and dispatch orders.

It’s somewhere for people in the community to visit, we have a sensory room in the shop and we get lots of parents coming in who want to chat.

Everyone who works in the shop is a parent, carer or carer, so they can share their experiences with customers.

I always try to focus on the positives and not think too far ahead but there are days when my mind runs away with me.

This will be a huge challenge when boys leave school at 19.

It’s massively scary because suddenly you have to rely on a whole new group of people.

There is a part-time college that I hope they can go to but it’s a big unknown and there are big decisions to be made.

You feel like you have to live forever to take care of them, and that’s the biggest fear for many parents.

Jude and Tommy will need support throughout their lives, and I’m beginning to realize that I may not always be able to provide it for them.

I don’t know what the future will look like, but I do know that I need to think about how I can help them live independently, and prepare for the days when I’m here. I am not

Autism has meant that we have achieved some of the highest highs, and experienced some of the lowest lows, more than I ever knew imaginable.

It has taught me to love and enjoy the simple things and I just want the boys to be happy.

Looking back on how I felt when they were diagnosed, I would tell myself that it was all going to be okay.

Those first few years can be a really scary and emotional time. You seem to have no idea what you’re doing.

Don’t close everything, find people who open up. Your friends and family want to help, they just don’t know how.

You will go through some of the toughest and toughest days of your life but you will learn a lot from your boys and your love for them will get you through.

As told to Charlie Jones.